In the last six months, I’ve shared some heavy stuff about my life, like my upbringing, my miscarriage, postpartum depression, and more. Today we are going to lighten things up, and exhale, I’m going to share ten things I’m embarrassed to tell you. The ONLY way this is fair is if you share something embarrassing about yourself, too, ok? Do we have a deal?
- I’m a hair band girl – When all the girls my age were crushing on Donny and Jordan from NKOTB, I was strictly a hair band girl. More specifically, I was crushing on the lead singer to my fave bands. Def Leppard? Joe Elliott! Slaughter? Mark Slaughter, duh. Winger? Kip Winger! When I was in eighth grade, I had a huge poster of Kip Winger hanging in my bedroom. I can still picture it in my head – Kip was wearing a white t-shirt with “Bastille Day” written on it, and a replica of his signature was on the poster, too. Confession within a confession: I must have practiced his signature exactly has he wrote at least 87,000 times. I was distraught when my brother threw something at the poster and caused a tear. Not that I hold grudge or anything.
- Speaking of posters – Um, yeah, before I realized what tape was meant for, I glued posters to my wall. Remember the scary poster from Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video with him in the middle surrounded by zombies? Yep, permanently glued to the wall so that the zombies were sure to be guest stars in my dreams at night. When we sold our house, my dad had to sandpaper the walls to remove the glue. Anyhoo, moving right along…
- I must buy things in twos – As in, if I go to a store, I can’t buy only one thing. If I’m picking up a gallon of milk, I must buy a second item, like bananas. This applies to grocery shopping, Kohl’s trips, everywhere, really. If a buy a pair of tights for Julia, then I need to buy a second thing, like, oh why not, a pair of shoes for mama?
- I only wash my hair twice a week. – That kind of speaks for itself, but in my defense, my hair doesn’t get oily or greasy between washes, so it works for me. Let’s just say dry shampoo is my BFF.
- I can be obtuse about simple things. – Enter the “Robin” pencil. I should preface this story with the fact that I LOVE school and office supplies. Do you relate? One year when I shopped for school supplies with my mom, I remember being enthralled with an endcap featuring hundreds of pencils with purple and pink hearts on them. My mom bought one for me, but it wasn’t until we got home that I realized my mistake. Apparently, the pencils had names on them. You know what I’m talking about – like when you can purchase ornaments, keychains, and well, pencils, with your particular name on them. When we returned home, my mom casually referred to me as “Robin” and started laughing. I was confused until she showed me that the pencil I picked out had “Robin” written on it. Hi, my name is Allison.
Here’s another example: My mom made reference to a “meatloaf sandwich” for lunch one time when I was a little girl. I asked her how you make a meatloaf sandwich because for some reason, putting meatloaf between two pieces of bread sounded really odd. Random, but you get the idea. I could literally write a book (in fact I did, about giving up sugar; do you know any publishers? 😊 ), but simple things trip me up sometimes.
- I didn’t start using social media until I was 43. – As in, this year. Imagine me, again, who is bad with simple things, trying to navigate Instagram stories. I’m completely comfortable on camera, but the process to figuring out the 15-second segments was, well, a process. I swear to you that I still learn new things about Facebook every day. EVERY DAY.
- I failed Geometry. – I will always remember how dumb I felt sitting in the back of the dark Honors Geometry room sophomore year. I was ok with Algebra, but Geometry was completely beyond my scope. I shrunk down in my seat and didn’t make eye contact when the teacher asked for volunteers. Other students drew proofs on the chalkboard (that was still a thing!) like they were as simple as the alphabet, but the concepts were foreign to me. The experience brings up unpleasant memories 25-ish years later, but it makes me more empathetic to my students who fail classes.
- I sit on a book during Facebook Lives. – Yep, I’m that short. Every Thursday night at 8:30 pm CST, I go live on Facebook for a “Friday eve party.” It’s to give women an outlet for “me time” at home without the guilt. You can wear your pajamas, drink an adult beverage, and have a girls’ night out while your significant other watches Thursday-night football (I know, I know, huge generalization) and after your kids go to bed. It’s a win-win situation. We talk about my blog topic of the week, crack jokes, and overall have decompression time just for us. But also, I’m sitting on a huge book so that people can see me on the screen. Join the party!
- “The Bachelor” franchise…is my guilty pleasure. – That includes “The Bachelorette” and “The Bachelor in Paradise.” My husband and I watch it together for laughs, but at least once during every episode, he inevitably says, “This is a horrible show.” I know it sends horrible messages to women, but it’s my guilty pleasure. After our 87,000 daily responsibilities, it’s nice to have a brain break. What is your guilty pleasure?
- My non-manicure, manicure – I like the look of painted nails, but I HATE spending the time to get manicures. Plus, my nail color chips so quickly, so I also hate spending the money. Which leads to my non-manicure, manicure habit: I don’t remove my nail polish. I just paint over the existing nail polish because I don’t want to spend the time taking off the old polish. Anyone else? Anyone? Anyone?
That’s a wrap, friends! The only way it is fair for me to share such goofy details about myself is if you ALSO share something embarrassing! Comment below or email me! I want to know what YOU find embarrassing! Did you relate to any of my 10? Tell me!
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